Don't Say Goodbye
by Mrs. HopeEstheim
Summary: "Please let me go with you," it came out softer than she wanted it to, but she knew that he'd heard her and that's all that counted. NaLu inspired by 'Say Goodbye' by Skillet.


**Note: Listening to _Say Goodbye_ by Skillet while reading gets the feelings across better, I think. Just a suggestion!**

**EDIT: Where the page breaks are is where the lyrics to the song once were. I edited them out because I believe that was actually an infraction on the terms for . **

**So, LISTEN to the song I mentioned, which I most certainly ****_do not own_****, as I will no longer have the lyrics here. **

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><p>Lucy thought it was kind of funny how time could pass and leaves could change and the world could turn into something different than it was. How strange it was that the passing of seven years had left her not a day older–not only Lucy, but everyone else who'd been on the island when Acknowlogia had attacked them. The world outside the bubble in which time was frozen had moved on, where they had not. It was curious, and Lucy found herself thinking about how all things change. She found herself needing to understand a little bit more about it all.<p>

Lucy found herself desperately in need of figuring herself out.

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><p>Who was she, if she wasn't just Lucy Heartfilia or just Lucy of Fairy Tail? She was Lucy Heartfilia and she was a mage of Fairy Tail, but was that all there was to her? The blonde felt the need to go out and do something,<em>anything<em>, in order to try to puzzle through this mystery. Who was she really, deep down inside? Was she a cowardly child trying to make a place for herself in the world? A leech who latched on to whosoever happened to be nearest and sucked out their joy, their life, just so she herself could persist?

"Who am I?" she found herself asking.

It was so strange, and frightening, for her to realize that she didn't even know that anymore. Lucy had thought she knew who she was, and what she wanted out of her life, but she couldn't really pinpoint it anymore. As things tend to do, everything had changed around her. Her father was gone now, and it had been three long and painful years since she had learned of his death upon her return from Tenrou Island's bubble of frozen time.

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><p>Her ceiling had never seemed quite as boring as it did to her in those dreary hours between 'last night' and 'this morning' when she couldn't sleep. Nothing she looked at could distract her from her inner dilemma, a conundrum she hadn't realized she'd ever have to face. Not for the first time, she wished that she could just be more like Natsu. She knew that he'd be leaving them all soon to look for Igneel again, and she didn't begrudge him of any happiness he might get if he found the dragon who had practically raised him. Lucy just wished she had the courage to branch off on her own…but how could she, when she didn't even want her salmon-haired nakama to leave her behind?<p>

More and more, she found herself drawn to him even when she knew she should keep clear. Lucy knew the day for him to leave would come, knew that he wouldn't be there with them for much longer and that there was a possibility that he might never come back to them…but she couldn't help it. He was the only one.

_Mama_, she wrote one night when her insomnia had a solid hold on her and her flame brained nakama wasn't there to act as her security blanket so that she _could_ sleep (because she could only sleep when he was around–she didn't know when that had started), _Mama, Papa…I think I love him. What would you do, or say, if you were here…?_

Lucy found herself slipping farther into herself, in the recesses of her mind that had never seen the light of day. The darkest thoughts she'd ever had were still all nestled in those corners, leaping out at the blonde whenever her consciousness was at its most vulnerable. The few nights that she _could_ sleep without Natsu there, her dreams were plagued with the nightmares of what she left unsaid. She didn't know where her liveliness was going or how to get it back, but she had a suspicion that it began and ended with the dragonslayer that she had fallen for. She knew that he was going to leave, but she didn't want him to go.

Tears filled her eyes when she thought about him just _not_ being there anymore.

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><p>"What did you say?" Lucy asked Natsu, afraid that he would tell her the exact same words that she thought she'd heard. She didn't want to hear them again. Not now. Not when she thought that he <em>might<em> stay and her sleeping patterns had begun to be semi-normal again. Not when she'd finally come to terms with her feelings and what they truly meant for her and for him and even for the guild in general.

"I'm leaving at the end of the week."

Her world came crashing down around her shoulders. What happened to her hopes of a few more months with him nearby? Her dream of having him there with her and giving her more than a _week_ to prepare for him to leave? Although she knew she wasn't being fair to him, her mind would have none of it. Even if she had known he'd be leaving, couldn't he have told her more than a week ahead of time? A month would have been easier to cope with…but all she had left was a week. And she knew she'd have to share him with everyone else even though she wanted him all to herself.

She felt so _selfish_.

But how did the time fly that fast?

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><p>The voluptuous blonde stared down at her bathwater, unable to fully accept the fact that he would be leaving in just a few days' time. He wasn't there, choosing to spend the night in his own home at least one more time before he left them all behind him. And even if he had been there, he'd be confused that she was taking a bath. After all, it was one thirty-seven in the morning and she had the most unattractive bags under her eyes…but she didn't care. He hadn't even left yet, but she felt so damn <em>alone<em>.

Lucy tilted her head up to stare at her bathroom ceiling. It was just as boring as the one in her bedroom and it could not distract her from her thoughts. The image of Natsu that she'd always held dear in her mind started to fade as he had in her nightmare, and a warm, salty tear made a track down her porcelain cheek. She didn't feel the wetness so much as the heat, yet that single tear paved the way for many more to follow and before she knew it, her shoulders were shaking, her wet palms were pressing against her eyes as if they would stop her tears from falling, and her sobs echoed in the small bathroom.

She felt so empty inside. There was nothing left for her anymore, not if he left.

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><p>"Lucy…" Mira said softly, almost sympathetically, as the blonde gazed with an unfocused stare to a point beyond the white-haired woman's left ear. The gentle words of the ex-S-class mage didn't stir the celestial spirit mage from whatever trance she was in, and the white-haired woman sighed. Her blue-eyed gaze strayed across the room where Nab and Visitar and Laki and Mickey were spending some time with their fire dragonslayer before he left them in just a few short days.<p>

The blonde had almost broken her mirror that morning when she'd looked at it. In her own opinion, she looked like complete and utter _shit_. Worthless. Someone sifting through her mind would find it extremely hard to find a positive or optimistic thought anywhere within the depths of her consciousness or even on the subconscious level.

After a few long seconds, finally feeling Mira's eyes on her, Lucy looked up. Her eyes held a deadened look, and the usually cheerful barmaid almost cringed, because Lucy was never so down. Not like this.

"It's really all over now…isn't it?" the blonde asked, almost absentmindedly, gazing intently at Mirajane's face.

"Lucy…" Mira said yet again, caught off guard and completely oblivious as to what she needed to say to comfort her blonde friend.

Lucy, for her part, knew she was being a bit irrational, but she really couldn't help it. It was the end of her sanity, as far as she could see. Her anchor, the one person who held so much of her existence in his hands by whether he lived or died or how near he was to her…was going to leave. He could be gone for just a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months…but maybe even for a year or more. No one knew just how long he'd look, but Lucy suspected that he'd look until he found Igneel or until he worked himself to the point of exhaustion or even until he died. That was the Natsu she knew, or thought she knew, and it was the Natsu that she had fallen head over heels for.

_He'll come back_, she wanted to say, but she couldn't promise herself that. She couldn't even guarantee that he felt the same way about her…so should she wait for him or just give up and move on while he was gone?

It couldn't be over! But…wasn't it?

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><p>Nobody else knew what Natsu was doing when he disappeared for a few hours each day, but Lucy did. It was instinctive; she didn't need to ask him and she didn't need to follow.<p>

He was saying goodbye in his own way. To all the storekeepers who knew him, and to all the places he loved to go. Lucy knew that he would be doing something along those lines because, despite what she had previously thought, she _knew_ him. Almost everything there was to know about him. And still she wanted more…_so much more_.

Not for the first time, Lucy learned that the entirety of Magnolia was down in the dumps when Fairy Tail was, and so the whole town held such a depressing air that Lucy actually did burst into tears on the walk home one day, nearly toppling into the canal even as the usual men hollered at her to be careful. After that, she stepped off the ledge and fled to her apartment, flinging open the door and rushing to the bathroom without even glancing at her room to make sure Natsu wasn't there.

She already knew he wouldn't be.

There were so many other places that he needed to say his farewells to. And even if it seemed stupid to say goodbyes to a _place_, it wasn't. It helped him cope with what he knew he had to do. Lucy knew he had to do it, too. It was as much for his sanity as it was for finding his foster father again, and perhaps Lucy was the only one who fully understood that about her dragonslayer.

"Don't say goodbye…please…" she said into her hands as she sat on the closed toilet, trying to stifle her sobs. "Don't leave me!"

He wasn't there, so she knew he hadn't heard her…but it felt a little bit better to say it out loud, anyway.

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><p>Of all the things that changed…Natsu had never been one of them. If anything changed, it was his protectiveness and loyalty, which only grew stronger. It was one of the many things that Lucy loved about him, and she knew she'd continue to love that about him even after he left. It was something that she simply couldn't help. So instead of dwelling on her nightmares when she awoke two days before the day he was going to leave, she decided to try reminiscing about the good days. Back when nothing could tear them apart and he would always, <em>always<em> be there to save her when she got into trouble of any kind.

He'd promised that he'd never change. To her face, Natsu had promised Lucy that he would always be there to protect her and that he would never, _ever_ let anything happen to her. She'd found it sweet even then, before she really understood how she felt. But now…it was still a happy memory, but it was tainted with melancholy and irony. He was about to leave, so he really _wouldn't_ be there for her. And the thought made her want to cry anew, although she felt that she'd cried all to much lately.

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><p>Finally, for the first time, Lucy mustered the courage to admit to herself verbally what she'd only ever admitted on paper and in her own mind.<p>

"I love you, Natsu," the whisper fell in the empty air as she stood under one of the rainbow sakura trees. In fact, it was the one that Natsu and Happy had been forced to replant after uprooting it for her when she was sick. The night sky twinkled with stars above her, and her eyes became watery again. The cool breeze gently caressed her skin, blowing her hair so that it all fell in front of her left shoulder. Her traditional half-up half-down side ponytail hairdo was missing in action, her blonde locks falling naturally with a slight curl.

Natsu had once drunkenly told her that she looked pretty with her hair like that.

The one stray thought made her chuckle, a warm droplet finally sliding silently down her face. Others followed more slowly as she stared up into the night sky, wondering if Natsu would ever do the same after he left and whether or not she could consider it being connected to him if he'd look up at the same time she did.

The breeze gusted lightly again, and the petals of the sakura tree began to rain down around her, a glorious conglomeration of colors that lifted her spirits ever-so-slightly. Even just by the moonlight and the starlight, the colors were vivid and pure and just as perfect as she expected they'd be close up. Her heart leapt in her throat when she thought that Natsu's gift of the tree floating in front of her window that time had been kind of like a gargantuan bouquet. She knew that it really wasn't meant to seem like it, but it did, and she let herself toy with that prospect for a few moments, holding her hand out so that a faded red petal landed on her palm. A familiar salmon-pink color was kind of taunting her, as if to say _this is as close to running your hands through his hair as you'll ever get_, but Lucy couldn't bring herself to care. She held the petal up to her eyes, smiled softly, almost wistfully at it, and pocketed it.

That night she slept easily with the petal sitting on the table right next to her bed.

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><p>Natsu's adorable, childlike grin had been missed in the guild for that entire week. Even if he had been the one to declare so boldly that he was leaving once the week was out…he didn't seem too enthusiastic about it anymore. He didn't want to leave everyone behind, Lucy knew, so it was going to be almost as hard for him to leave as it would be for her to <em>watch <em>him leave without chasing after him or begging him to come back.

Lucy didn't want it all to be over, though. She understood _why_ it had to be this way…but she didn't have to like it at all, right? It was only natural to hate the thought of the one you love leaving you, to hate the idea that he might never come back in one piece.

_Mama, Papa,_ she wrote once more, _why does it have to end up like this? Why can't it all go back to the way it was before he decided to leave?_

Because if they could all go back their lives would actually resemble normality again and everything would seem to be okay. Her heart wouldn't be shattering second by second and she wouldn't have to worry about trying to find the courage to confess _now_ or hoping that he'd live to come back so she could confess_ later_. But if it could all go back, she might not have understood her feelings for the impulsive dragonslayer as quickly as she did, and she wouldn't change that realization for anything. It hurt her, yes…but she loved him, and it wouldn't change.

_Still_, Lucy thought, staring at her hands instead of at her reflection in the mirror, _why can't we just stay like we are for a little longer?_

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><p>The interactions between he and Lucy were more awkward than ever, because she knew he'd have to say goodbye to her sometime because that's just the way he was, and he knew that she didn't him to. It was a mutual understanding of sorts, and both fully understood that it would <em>have<em> to happen. They only had one more day and one more night. It had to be soon.

Before Lucy left for the guild, she painted her nails the same color as his hair and as the petal that had fallen from the rainbow sakura tree the night before. She tied her hair up with a ribbon of the same pink color and put on a regular white top with a pink heart on it and paired it with a jean skirt and some sandals. She couldn't bring herself to wear her favorite color–blue–when it was so close to his departure. Anything to remind herself that he was still there…and thus, the abundance of pink in her ensemble.

She entered the guild slightly earlier than usual, taking a deep breath to steady herself for when she passed Natsu (who was planning on spending most of the day with Romeo, who'd miss him almost as bad as Lucy herself would). She looked a little better today, having had a decent night's sleep and coming to terms with what had to happen, if only a little and only reluctantly. But she'd get one more day of at least _pretending_ that he wasn't going to leave her here. One more day of pretending that she would still get out of her shower or bath to find him snoozing in her bed. One more day of pretending that her entire world hadn't crumbled around her and somehow left her standing there…alone.

They would have to talk, Lucy knew. Natsu wasn't the sort to leave the awkwardness hanging when he was going to be away for an indefinite amount of time. But until that moment came, she could still pretend.

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><p>Levy and Jet and Droy (accompanied, to the dismay of the two men, by Gajeel and Pantherlily) were leaving for a mission and wouldn't be back before Natsu left in the morning, and so Lucy had to overhear their goodbyes. It was painful knowing that it would be her blubbering like Levy in a few short hours and that she wouldn't be able to do anything to stop herself even though she'd spent most of the week in mental preparation. Lucy was resigned to Natsu's departure, but she still didn't want it to happen.<p>

She didn't want him to say goodbye to her. And even if she didn't want him to say goodbye, she _needed_ him to because neither one of them will feel that it was done right if he just…_left_. They understood each other that way, and there was no one else who could quite understand either of them like that. And if Lucy could even see that, she wouldn't mind it in the least. The only other person who could possibly know her nearly as well as Natsu did was Levy.

_Why is the time going by so fast_? Lucy wanted to ask. A glance at the clock showed her that it was already early afternoon.

The person that her life currently revolved around would be gone in less than twenty-four hours.

If she had thought learning that her Papa had passed away while they were all frozen in time had been bad…somehow, this felt so much worse. She'd had a week to get used to it–_years_, even, since she'd suspected this decision of his for a long while–but it still couldn't fully prepare herself for it. The moment was practically upon her and she wanted to throw herself upon him, to practically choke him in a gigantic hug and never let him go. But alas, she had to obey his wishes, because if she tried to hold him back there would only be hard feelings. Especially since he didn't know her feelings and she didn't plan on telling him before he left.

"Don't say goodbye," she whispered to herself sullenly. Mirajane's ears perked up, and her bright blue eyes shined with sympathy as she glanced between the blonde and the unusually subdued dragonslayer that was across the guild from them.

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><p>It was eleven at night when the shape she'd been expecting appeared at her window and slipped through. Lucy had been sitting at her desk, chewing on the end of the pen and staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of her for over an hour now, unsure of how to begin this new chapter of her life. She didn't even glance up as his shadow fell across the floor, because she knew who it was. It was always him.<p>

"Luce…"

He broke the silence and she lowered the pen from her mouth although she didn't turn around. The silence then stretched again, Lucy trying to ignore the piercing pains in her chest that stemmed from the love of her life getting ready to say goodbye like she knew he was going to. She tried to ignore that she was already starting to feel the emptiness causing her cheerfulness to fall away into the abyss of her mind and body. Her heart felt like it was sinking, sinking, sinking, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. And still the silence dragged on, the only sounds being Natsu's eventual footsteps in her direction. Soon he hovered over her shoulders, as if to read, only to find that the paper was completely blank.

"I'll be back, Lucy," he said softly. "I will."

She laughed softly, hating herself for all the things she'd thought in the course of the past week. Lucy knew she shouldn't have been so harsh on him, but she just couldn't help it. He didn't know how much he meant to her.

"I know," she said softly, although she found it hard to believe. Perhaps he could tell that she wasn't completely truthful. She didn't know if he could smell it or whether he just knew her well enough to know how she sounded when she was unsure of her own words. It was probably the latter, though, because they practically knew each other inside and out.

Natsu spun Lucy's chair around without warning, putting his warm, callused hands on either side of her face and tilting her chin up so she had to look him in the eye. He couldn't have missed the emotions roiling just beneath the surface, the worry and the fear and the sadness and everything else she'd tried her best to suppress for days on end. Her eyes were red rimmed, evidence of earlier tears, but she couldn't bring herself to care what she looked like right now. Especially not if this was going to be the last time she got him all to herself.

"Luce, I'll be back. I promise I'll be back before you know it!"

The blonde squeezed her eyes closed, Natsu allowing her to turn her head away from him. The way the light fell on her pale, porcelain cheeks made her look so vulnerable that he hated himself for a few minutes. Lucy felt some sort of shift in the atmosphere and took a deep breath, opening her eyes and turning back to him.

"But what if you're not?" she whispered, voicing her deepest worry.

"I will be," he said with utmost certainty, flashing her the childlike grin that no one else had seen for that entire week. "I promised, didn't I? And when I come back, we'll all go on jobs again and it will be just like it's always been. Right?"

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><p>"Yeah," Lucy answered him softly, unable to resist when he showed her the smile that she had missed so much.<p>

"Luce…" he sighed then, a more serious look coming across his features. "Lucy, I…you know I have to. I know you do. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know me…but…damn it, Luce, I don't know how to…"

He was frustrated and Lucy could tell it would hurt him to have to say it, just as much as it would hurt her to hear it. And maybe, she decided, she didn't need him to say the words. Maybe these last few hours together was all they'd need.

"Don't say it," she said softly, placing a pale finger over his lips as he struggled to find the right words.

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><p>"W-what…?" he asked, as if to reassure himself that Lucy had really said what he thought she had.<p>

"I said, 'don't say it'," she repeated, looking up at him with her chocolate orbs pleading for him not to. And before she could stop herself, she let her arms slight around him, her head resting on his chest. "Please don't say it."

"Okay," his voice was soft as his arms fell around her shoulders. "I…I won't say it if you won't, then."

"I won't," she said, squeezing him tighter, pressing her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beating under her ear, and she found it kind of relaxing. His chin found its place to rest on top of her golden hair and they stayed like that for several long moments.

Lucy didn't know when the tears had started to fall again, but they had. They streamed silently down her face, some of them reaching Natsu's bare chest and others falling on his vest. He didn't care, though, because he felt the tell-tale warmth and wetness on his own face. He pulled Lucy closer to him then, ducking his tear streaked face into the crook of her neck. He was bending down awkwardly, but it was a comfort to both of them. She let her hands almost curl into fists, gripping the back of his vest tightly in her fingers.

She never wanted to let go. Lucy didn't want to let him get away because she knew that there was no other man quite like the Salamander. She was scared of what might happen if she let him go, even though she knew he had his own life to live and he had to do with it whatever he thought was right.

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><p>Lucy worked up courage she didn't think she had and said softly, "Are you going to stay here tonight?"<p>

Arms tightened around her yet again.

"If you'll let me," his voice was the softest she had ever heard it, and it cracked a little with his words. This was just as hard for him as it was for her, and so a feeble hope that he had mutual feelings for her rose in her chest. He hadn't had such a reaction when he said his goodbyes to Levy and the group that had gone with her. Perhaps he had saved the most emotional of his goodbyes for a private moment? Maybe Natsu loved Lucy like she loved him?

It was a feeble hope, but it grew as she stood wrapped up in his arms. Why should she have to let him go when she loved him so much? She didn't see the fairness in this situation, and she wanted there to be another way. Why couldn't he just stay here…with her? She wouldn't feel so empty or broken or so completely _alone_ if he'd just stay there. Didn't he know that her world practically revolved around him now? If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't be at Fairy Tail and she wouldn't have met all of those great people.

He was, perhaps, the greatest of them all.

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><p>"I'll see you at the guild before…before I leave?" Natsu asked her timidly, looking deep into her eyes as they embraced once more in the morning. He still had to pick up his bag from his place and go say a few final goodbyes to everyone else at the guild before he climbed onto his mortal enemy (the train) to leave.<p>

"Of course you will, you idiot," Lucy tried to say it with her usual conviction, but it came out rather weakly. Natsu understood that she was trying, though, and he squeezed her once more before releasing her and climbing onto her window sill. He glanced at her over his shoulder briefly and she waved a little at him with a wistful sort of smile on her face. It was only a few seconds later that he was gone from her window and she walked over to it to watch him until he turned the corner and was out of sight. "Of course you'll see me there…"

He could still refuse her. He could tell her that it was too dangerous and flat out refuse…but since when did that kind of thing ever stop her?

Lucy couldn't realize why she hadn't thought of the solution before. It was going to break her heart either way, so why not take this path? No matter what happened, there could be no turning back. She had to try, even if it cost her so much more than Natsu leaving her ever could. It could be the best decision of her life or the worst choice she'd ever made, but for once she would not back down. If he could stand to do it, then so could she. Right?

So she did what she had to do and then went to the guild with Plue walking right beside her. She held her head up tall, her eyes alight with a determination that no one had seen for quite a while now. When Lucy entered the guild, Mirajane noticed instantly and knew something was up with the blonde. After a bit of deliberation, she decided it was just Lucy's way of coping with Natsu leaving, but while she was partially right, she was also partially wrong.

"Hey, Mira," Lucy said, pulling out a three inch binder. "Would you mind giving this to Levy when they get back?"

"N-not at all," Mira said, her brows knitting together in confusion. "But why can't you give it to her yourself?"

"I might be able to, but I might not," Lucy said, rather cryptically. She left it at that, though, and ordered a simple breakfast. Mira put the binder in a safe spot under the bar and went to get Lucy's order, still trying to puzzle through the blonde's words.

Natsu arrived and everyone began to crowd around him, wishing him luck and telling him goodbye and numerous other things. As the time for his departure ticked nearer, many of the members of Fairy Tail began to wonder why Lucy hadn't moved an inch from her seat to say goodbye to him or wish him well or anything. It just wasn't like her.

"Well, it's almost time," Natsu said, standing from the seat that Mira had ushered him to. Once more, the guild members crowded around him to say one last goodbye. The crowd split, however, when a determined blonde strode through the center of them all. Natsu was even surprised by how confident she seemed in this instant as she walked right up to him. And when she reached him, they both just stood looking at each other for a minute.

Finally, Lucy acted on impulse. Originally, it hadn't been part of her plan, but she really couldn't help it.

With a fistful of scarf, Lucy pulled herself up and Natsu down just a little in order to kiss him. And to her surprise, the pressure was returned by the recipient. Natsu kissed her back with just as much passion as she kissed him and neither really wanted to pull away at all. It didn't matter to Lucy that it was in front of the entire guild, and she knew it wouldn't matter to Natsu in the least. All that mattered was the man in front of her and the next thing she was going to do.

Lucy broke the kiss off before she lost the nerve to say what she'd planned to say.

"Please let me go with you," it came out softer than she wanted it to, but she knew that he'd heard her and that's all that counted.

A grin spread slowly across his features.

"I thought you'd never ask, Luce," he said softly, resting his forehead on hers. "I didn't think you'd want to…"

"You idiot," she retorted, "of course I'd want to! Please, Natsu."

As a reply, he linked their fingers together and leaned in to kiss her one more time. That was all the answer that Lucy needed.

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><p><strong><em>Say Goodbye <em>by Skillet. Amazing song, no?**

**Anyway, I hope you guys like it. I literally typed this in like, two or three hours and it's my baby. I love it. Really. **

**Thank you for reading! Natsu and Lucy and Mira and everyone else are © of Hiro Mashima. And ****_Say Goodbye_**** is © Skillet.**


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